everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
