His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
