don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
