just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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