I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
