five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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