you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
