then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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