the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
