what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
