Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
