If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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