i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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