This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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