Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
