you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
