Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
