I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I can't turn off my feet"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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