I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
