I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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