Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
There's even glitter on my cock...
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