Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
