It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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