Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize