You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
