That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
