apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize