I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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