I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize