Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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