fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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