stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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