Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
