I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
