im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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