I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
