We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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