he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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