I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
