and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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