he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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