Sponge bath it is.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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