I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
