come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
