just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Randomize
