my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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