Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
