I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
porn star boner night. come get it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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