nut hugger
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize