No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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