He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
