You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We got so high we made milksteak
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
