Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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