I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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