This house was built for laser tag.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
