I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
What a dumb baby whore.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
