Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
