dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
