So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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