You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
