someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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