i just wanna soil my oats bro
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I will be naked everywhere
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
