oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
