Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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