There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
