Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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