I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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