is your mom at the bar?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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